Today's lesson for the criminally impaired - wearing the pants you stole from prison when you were released yesterday in public, especially when you aren't really that far from the prison will cause numerous cars with lights and sirens to descend on you and you will likely get a nice pair of bracelets to go with your new pants.

I had a woman call today and said she wasn't going to let her daughter kill herself again . . . i had no response for that.

Is this person black, white or hispanic?" "Well, they look like they have alzheimers."

And that was followed by a call from an irate mother wanting us to meet her on the roadside and when I ask what she is drivng she yells "MY CAR!"